That Honey Badger Don’t Care

How many of you have seen the YouTube video of the honey badger tearing up that snake?  Scary.  Amazing.  Inspiring!

You might wonder how this relates in any way to infidelity or dealing with an affair.  I think it relates in several ways.

First of all, as someone who promised in front of God to honor your spouse and the vows you made it’s your responsibility to do whatever it takes to preserve your marriage.  If your spouse goes against his or her vows by having an affair, it’s still your responsibility to do all you can to protect your marriage.  In my opinion, that means tearing up any snake that tries to take up residence in your homestead.

That probably sounds a little extreme and in some cases it might be.  In other cases, it’s dead on.  In my case, that snake was trying to take everything from me.  So, quite honestly, when I look back I realize that at the point when I finally took action I did it like a honey badger.  I took no prisoners.

And second, if your spouse decides to start caring for someone else, you owe it to yourself and your kids to stand up for yourself.  That’s exactly what a honey badger does.  It won’t back down and it won’t cower away to see what will happen next.

Now, in reality the skirmish will likely not go as easy for you as it does for the honey badger.  And keep in mind that the honey badger may not always win – but that honey badger is fearless.  My battle with the snake lasted a long time and I got some bumps and bruises in the process.  I didn’t give up, though.

My fight resulted in the recovery of my marriage.  I want to stress that this may not be your desired outcome, but it’s still important that you fight for yourself with the intensity of the honey badger.  Fight for your dignity, fight for your self esteem, fight for your kids, or fight to keep your marriage.  Any and all of these things are important and worth the risk of a few cuts and scrapes.

So how do you go about fighting for your marriage, dignity, self esteem, kids, or anything else that is at stake when your spouse has an affair?

Investigate!  Get the facts.  Don’t get lost in the details, but get enough to be useful.

Decide what you want and go after it.  Learn how and when to confront your spouse.  Learn how much information to share.

Get educated on the laws in your state or country.

I’d love to hear about your journey.  Leave a comment to fill us in on the ways you’re fighting for what’s important to you like a honey badger!


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Leave A Reply (3 comments So Far)

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  1. Cary Cooper
    3 years ago

    Never give up without fighting. This should be the motto for every situation life throws us into. By giving up, we insult ourselves and our self-esteem. When you fight, your self-esteem soars and you emerge stronger. You may not win always, but it is always better to fight.

  2. Vlademer
    3 years ago

    he will do anything to try to work this out with me and to try to prove that he can be trust wohrty again. I feel like my list is harsh, but I also feel like the situation warrants it. I was just trying to be honest with him about what I personally would need for this to work. He has the option to do it or to not do it, but I want him to know that its not easy and its not overnight. I told him that I foresee these rules sticking around for at least five years. It will take a long time for me to be able to trust him again.This is very hard, and I want to be able to trust him again, but he needs to earn it back by proving he can be trusted again. He says he’s alright with all of these rules, but I waver between them being too harsh and them being totally necessary. When we go to counseling I would like to someday set a date where if he has proven his trust then we will put this all behind us. Please tell me what you guys think. Does this make sense?I asked for help, not criticism. I’ve already decided to try to work it out with him.1. We have no kids.2. I never said anything about belittling him. I clearly said a million times this is about trust. Sorry but I thought everything was perfect until I found this all out. I can’t just trust him again when I didn’t even have any suspicions anything was wrong. He needs to earn back trust, and if he isn’t willing, then working things out doesn’t mean that much to him, and I can move on.Why is it always once a cheater, always a cheater ? I cheated once, for very similar reasons (I was going through a rough depression). But I got counseling and I never cheated again. People cheat again because they don’t get help and they don’t put the effort it takes to not do it again into it.I’m not manipulative, and ANY wife would care if he had sex elsewhere. Also, he didn’t tell me. I found out without him telling me.

  3. Jasmine
    3 years ago

    Wow! I had the exact same reaction when my partner of 6.5 years divulged to me that not only had he been having an affair, but that he’d gotten his mistress pregnant. I fought so hard for our relationship, and he agreed to work things out with me. I was to fly home and we were going to figure out the details about how we would be able to make raising his child work… Then he blamed ME for his infidelity, and in that moment, I knew that he wouldn’t be able to do the things that I needed in order to make it work. So I decided to extricate myself from the relationship, and the following day he decided to be with his mistress. But, in the end, getting out was what made me happiest. He had agreed to continue to be a part of my daughter’s life (although he’s since stopped speaking to her), and I’m still in self-preservation mode because he’s really put me in a precarious financial position, but it was still the best decision by far to get out of that relationship, for me. But your talking about fighting for yourself was exactly what I’ve done since the moment he told me of his affair. And I’ve done what felt right for me at every moment since – from fighting for our relationship, to making sure I am okay. I can relate to this a great deal.